Casual sex. One night stands. Booty calls. For some women, these things bring them pleasure. While for other women, they are just tired of it all. They are looking for something real, not just a temporary fix to fill a void. Nevertheless whatever category you fit in, know this - you are worthy. You are a queen and your body is a temple.
I have been in relationships when I was young where I felt like if I didn’t have sex with my boyfriend, there was a possibility he wouldn't stay around. After all, you’re suppose to show your man you “love” him right? However there have also been times where I refused to have sex, and the guy would accuse me of not “caring” and “feeling” the same way about him which wasn’t true. I just figured saving my body was better than doing something I would later probably regret. And let’s just say in those instances, I am so glad I waited.
I’ve learned this. You don’t have to have sex with someone to prove that you love them. You don’t have to have sex with someone to validate your loyalty toward them. Sex doesn’t equal love. And if anyone is pressuring you to have sex, it’s lust, a mere counterfeit of real love.
Queen, it’s ok to say no. It’s ok to walk away. Never allow loneliness to keep you entangled in relationships God wants to deliver you from. Never allow your temptations to keep you in a prison. You are in control and you have the power.
Once you have sex with someone, it’s easy for the relationship to become all about sex if you never really built a solid friendship first. And if any relationship becomes all about sex, it’s not much of a relationship at all. Eventually the thrill of the pleasure will fade, and the relationship will deteriorate.
Contrary to what today’s culture says, life is more than sex. It’s more than "sliding" into people’s DM’s. It’s more than dating apps and hookups. We have lost what love is really about.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." 1 Corinthians 13:1
This is what love is. This is how God loves us. And until I can find this love, I have devoted myself to being abstinent. Those who have been following me for some time now, know that the topic of abstinence and discussions around it are important to me. I began my “imperfect” journey of abstinence when I was 20. Yes, I made mistakes and fell along the way, but my heart has always been centered in the fact that I always desired to wait to have sex until marriage. Not because I was a virgin, but because I first wanted to honor God with my body.
"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20
I couldn’t say I loved and served God, and still lived the way I wanted to live. I had to practice what I preached. I had to choose. I could either be led by my temporary emotions, or wait, trust God, and avoid myself a world of heartache seeking after my own lust. So I am celibate and still waiting. It’s honestly been one of the best decisions I have made as a single woman. In this season of my life, I have learned to be single and secure.
I have peace, I have joy, and I am content. I am not sitting up somewhere stressing about a man.
We as women are more than our bodies. We are daughters of the most high God. We are fearfully and wonderfully made and called according to His purpose. You are a treasure. You are worthy of a man that will love you beyond what you can do in the "bedroom". Don't ever settle.
I’ll end with this piece of advice. If you follow me, you know it.
Boys lead you to the bedroom, real men lead you to the alter.
Your Sis Chance
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Chance Cessna is a renowned speaker, best selling author, TV host, producer, and serial entrepreneur. For all speaker/event bookings click here. To learn more about her, click here.
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